Back to the Footture: E29
KILMARNOCK INTO CL KNOCKOUT STAGES?!
You better believe it!
We are absolutely flying. I even put in a spurious contract offer for Mo Salah as I’m convinced that everyone will be interested in us now that we are European royalty. He rejects obviously but its the thought that counts — besides we took a new record £866k gate receipts in the United game. Need to spunk that somewhere.
However, after the dizzying heights of the Champions League we welcome Jim McNally’s Peterhead side to Rugby Park in the Scottish Cup. McNally has been in charge now for around 42 seasons and has the look of an easter island statue that got covered in discarded crack cocaine residue at some point in the 90s. I’m still pleased to see him though, he’s a throwback manager and he’s guided his team to 3 wins in the cup. It’ll stop today even if I rotate, which I do, opting for a far more attacking lineup.
We do well to make a game out of it. Armando has an early goal ruled out for offside and then Emile headbutts Wilson and gets himself sent off — and in the process putting himself up at the top of my ‘George Byres’ shitlist to be sold in the summer. Armando gives us the lead before half-time and despite numerous opportunities to extend our lead and an inspired performance by goalkeeper Brett Long, we run out 1–0 winners. I shake Jim warmly by the hand and we have a couple of drinks afterwards, mostly laughing at the plight of Aberdeen.
Because of European regulations making 2000 seats in the ground uninhabitable, we bizarrely break out gate receipts record for the second time in a week, taking in a staggering £955k against Peterhead. Kerr Smith gets a deserved call-up for the Scotland team in the week and we celebrate by getting him to run the gauntlet in training as we pelt footballs at him. We also draw Rangers in the semi-finals of the Scottish Cup, giving us a chance to gain revenge for the defeat in the final last year.
I think about this all the way to Rotterdam as we travel for our final Champions League game against Feyenoord. They are well alive in the Eredivisie title race, sitting 2 points off the top with a game in hand. Goalkeeper Biljow and star man Noa Lang are injured which is a real boost and new man Mauro Junior is ineligible. We go in at full guns, with the same lineup that vanquished Man Utd in such emphatic fashion.
The whistle blows in a packed De Kuip and Georgios plays the bal out to Osame. He pins his ears back and tears past Nelson and Pederson and slides in a cross…WHICH GEORGIOS KNOCKS HOME!!!….WAIT WHAT?! OFFSIDE?!?! The goal is ruled out and our challenger for the quickest goal in CL history is obliterated. Undeterred we create another opportunity swiftly with the reverse pairing, Georgios teeing up Osame to hit one…just wide of the far post!
We win a free kick and the delivery in his headed away as far as Frendrup…whose shot is saved…but it comes back to Gilmour…TIPPED WIDE! We’re doing everything but score! We throw bodies up at the corner but they break through Nelson, who sprints 70 yards and delivers a glorious cross…which Larsen heads wide! Justin wins the ball a few minutes later and set a rampaging Georgios on his way. He shimmies inside and unleashes a howitzer, which pings the top of the bar and into the stand…what a start.
Just as the game begins to calm down, Ante wins the ball and drives forwards, playing a one-two with Osame, and then curls a delicious pass into Georgios. He looks up and controls before curling a low shot round the keeper…AND INTO THE BOTTOM CORNER!! 1–0!! The away fans in the top tier of De Kuip can be heard loud and clear as we restart the game and the game settles a little. Larsen has a header well saved a few minutes but we manage to keep them quiet until the stroke of half-time. Ante and Georgios miss chances in quick succession but our Greek maestro capitilises on a misplaced pass in the Feyenoord backline from the restart and drives at goal before slotting past Jansen for a 2–0 lead, which Coniah preserves with a stunning save on the whistle from a Nelson shot.
Straight into the second half Billy releases Osame and his interplay with Georgios creates space for him to have a shot…YES IT….OFFSIDE AGAIN?!?! For fucks sake. Really?! And the gods seem to bewell against us a couple of minutes later when Kocku crosses for star-man Veerman to nod home and make it 2–1.
Things calm again and Coniah makes a good save from a Macias shot as I bring on Aymen against his former club, closely followed by Paul Nebel. Veerman clips the bar as they begin to turn the screw looking for an equaliser and Coniah needs to be alert to save from Larsen again. We eventually get a chance to break and Paul and Georgios combine to tee up Billy, whose shot flies over the bar, but the rest of the game passes without incident as we close out an impressive 2–1 win despite an unheard of 6/10 from Billy.
Sporting lose 2–1 to Man Utd but progress on goal difference and a couple of hours later we go into the draw for the Quarter Finals…..
Bloody hell…
Milan are in 2nd place in Serie A, granted they sit 7 points behind surprise leaders Napoli. Their squad includes the likes of Luis Diaz, Federico Chiesa and a strikeforce of Belotti and Morata, alongside more familiar faces like Kessie, Tonali and Theo Hernandez. They finished 2nd in their group, and I have to say I’m a little surprised by their route when I look at the table…
We could have this…well we could have if we didn’t theoretically have our toughest run of fixtures in the history of the club. I feel winded just looking at this.
Sunday is the closest thing to DVT day that we’ll ever get. It’s the League Cup final against Celtic, 13 years (and two days) to the day since our 2012 victory. The boys didn’t overdo it in Holland for a change, and we get to Hampden early and have a stroll around the pitch to drink in the empty stands and the calm before the storm. Whilst I stroll around the pitch, I get a phonecall from our feeder club in London about an offer I submitted asking me to up my offer to £11m for one of their players…
Justin drops out for Perr Schuurs and Armando comes onto the bench, but I decide to stick to the same set of players that beat Feyenoord. Benjamin Siegrist is suspended for Celtic, meaning they’ll be playing a backup goalkeeper and creating the kind of underdog narrative that has derailed many a fictional story campaign. I will not have this…we must overcome the god, puppies and reserve goalkeeper syndrome.
I won’t deny the fact that I am delighted that Karamoko starts on the bench, even if it means that Kyogo plays (and probably scores) against us. We win an early free-kick when Ante is brought down and Simone steps up….well saved by Ward. Celtic break and a mazy run by Abada isslid back f Johnston to shoot at Coniah, and the follow up from Kyogo is heroically blocked by Morten. We don’t learn from this though and a couple of minutes later Ralston gets away on the right and swings in a cross for the giant Chris Wood to glance in. 1–0 Celtic.
As usual, we suddenly wake up and Billy plays some neat stuff to work it into the Celtic half. He plays it to Vasilios, who lays it back to Morten to bend a ball to the back post…AND OSAME SLIDES IN TO KNOCK IT HOME! GAME ON! 1–1! After the game slows, Morten does some good work and hits a hopeful long ball in behind Ralston. Osame gets round the outside of him and knocks it into the box, past Starfelt and shoots….OH I SAY!!! ITS A WONDERFUL GOAL!!! 2–1!
We’re all over them now and Morten and Perr should bury headers but conspire to put them wide. Ante is next to shoot, which brings out a good save from Danny Ward, but on 25 minutes Vasilios gets far too much space to swing in a cross which Georgios meets with a diving header…PAST WARD!! ITS 3–1!! But for some conspiratorial SFA wanksmanship we should then have a penalty and Georgios has a goal ruled out for offside, but astonishingly Billy looks up 40 yards out and floats a pass that would make Andrea Pirlo weep pure Limoncello to Vasilios, who chips it over the keeper from 18 yards into the far corner to make it 4–1 after just 30 minutes!!! THERE ARE SEAS OF CELTIC FANS EXITING! They make some moves and McGregor and Johnston go close but its 4–1 at the break and the away fans are in full voice!
They throw everything at us early and Adama Traore (Not that one) has a header tipped over by Coniah, but the game is relatively calm until the 60 minute when Vasilios gets the ball on the halfway line….OH MY WORD, VASILIOS HAS SCORED ONE OF THE GREAT GOALS AT HAMPDEN!!
Billy and Georgios come off to a standing ovation in the 70th minute, and with his first touch Armando hits a dipping volley which screams past the post with Ward beaten. With his second touch, he bringsdown a long ball from Osame and chests it back to Morten Frendrup on the edge of the 18 yard box…WHO SLAMS A SHOT INTO THE TOP CORNER!! 6–1!! SOMEONE HOLD ME!! As the away fans sing and the green half of the ground empties we play some keep ball and create another opening for Armando, which flies just wide…and the final whistle blows.
HOLY FUCK.
