Back to the Footture: E20
It’s a chilly January day as I peel back the curtains and wander downstairs to the kitchen. Our last game against St Johnstone was postponed due to the inclement conditions, meaning our next game is at Tannadice against the Tangerines. I really can’t be bothered but I drive up separate to the coach so I can deal with more transfer business.
On the pitch, we are looking pretty good. We’re conceding a few too many goals for my liking, but overall I’m happy. My only concern is that Enzo has 18 months left on his deal and doesn’t want to sign a new one as he’s homesick. Oberlin looks okay but I do feel that a top drawer striker is probably my next priority. I’ve lined up 5 bosman deals for the summer for midfielders, wingers and attackers but I’ll inevitibly cancel 2/3 of these so I send the scouts out into Europe to see what they can find. I’m till preoccupied with messages as the game kicks off.
Ante is carted off midway through the first half after a nasty looking collision in midfield. Simone comes on and despite our dominance it takes until the 43rd minute for us to take the lead, with the familiar combination of Bilal putting in a cross and Enzo meeting it with a firm header.
The second half is a flurry of chances at the start with Enzo missing two good ones and Henderson forcing a save from Coniah. Tony Watt has a coupe of good chances and I yell abuse at him every time he runs past me, telling him I think his COD streams are shite as he shanks a shot wide. Enzo decides to give up on shooting and the next cross into the box is cushioned back and Billy Gilmour runs in and rockets a shot past Dawson in the United goal and secure the 3 points. 2–0!
The recent form of Bilal in particular gives me a great amount of encouragement. Gerson has been disappointing in the league particularly and I’m beginning to think that the mad landlocked fuck might not be what I need. Luckily, I’ve got 3 players coming in that can play his position in the summer so I tell him to get a good cushion for the rest of the season for his stints on the bench.
With games coming thick and fast a barely have a moment to breathe, with the revolving door in full operation as I set up deals for Robbo and Rodney to leave. Both have been fantastic servants to the club, but with so much quality incoming it’s difficult to justify keeping them around. Tom Glover heads off for a short term stint at Edinburgh City on loan. I’m still juggling on the trip up to Perth for a quick 9 holes with Callum Davidson’s St Johnstone, where Simone comes in for his first start and Dimitri gets a chance to impress me before I make a very rash expensive signing.
We get the perfect start when a corner from Billy is headed in by a leaping Kik Pierie, and Osame makes it two just after the quarter-hour, following up a Bilal shot which is saved by Clark. I ring the changes in the second half and it is the industry down the right of Gerson that creates a crossing opportunity, with his low centre met by an onrushing Oberlin to send the ball into the near corner. 3–0. MOTM performance from Dimitri. Hmmm…
In side news, Mark Kerr has been sacked by Ayr and Paul Clement has been appointed with the worst club in Ayrshire sitting in 8th in the Championship. I chuckle over my evening tequila as I remember our 7–0 shellacking of them. Good times.
Dimitri has put me in a very difficult situation, so I review my summer options again to review my incomings to see if an outlay of nearly £10m is worth it at this stage to bring in a player who I believe is a top quality striker. Robbo leaves in a deal worth 800k to join Dundee United in a move and its a tearful goodbye from all the staff as he picks up his stuff before he leaves. What a player — and does his leaving necessitate this rash striker signing…I mull it over whilst I send Catts to take charge of our Scottish Cup tie against Queens Park.
It’s a predictable landslide win as we go 5–0 up inside 27 minutes. Osame and Simone get two assists each in a terrifically creative display. Boom-shanka.
My striker decision is made, and also taken out of my hands when my target rejects the deal I offer due to wanting a release clause. I withdraw and decide to stick with the proposed deals I have for the summer. That said, I do make a very promising defensive signing with an MLS defender agreeing to join for a bargain £3.9m fee. Welcome Justin Che!
His stats are redder than my Bank Balance for the month and I frantically list a couple of players late on to see if I can reverse some cashflow back in the door — barely even noticing when Callum Davidson throws a pitching wedge through my window as St Johnstone arrive. We un-rotate and go back to our strongest XI — Justin isn’t fit enough to start and Simone keeps his place in the continued absence of Ante P.
A dull first half is lit up on the half-hour when Panada is tackled on the edge of the area and the loose ball drops to Osame. He looks up, takes a touch and sends a rocket arcing beyond Zander Clark. 6 minutes later a free-kick turns into pinball, ending in Williams Velasquez lashing home to double the lead.
Osame gets a second just after the hour as the subs come on, teed up by a lovely through ball from Billy. Lewis Vaughan gets a late consolation for the visitors but its another dominant 3 points for us and I present Callum Davidson with 12 Titleists as the game finishes as a thank you for turning up and taking a beating.
My proposed outgoings don’t progress anywhere by the time that the window slams shut. It’s been thoroughly productive with a further 5 bosman deals agreed for the summer. I decide to delay any further departures for the moment as we’ve got a trip to Celtic Park next.
They sit second in the table, 7 points behind us, so a positive result today would go a long way to retaining the title. The bus up sees a stunning new initiation rendition of “Kiss from a Rose” by Justin that reduces Ade Akinbiyi to tears. It’s a lovely way to start the day — granted the day isn’t quite as lovely when I realise that Billy is suspended. Ante C comes in and Justin comes onto the bench with his newly presented number 2 shirt.
Karamoko Dembele starts on the left for Celtic and gets away down the touchline early on. His mazy run sees a cross delivered into the box, which Kyogo can’t meet but Chris Wood coming in at the back post can and he bullets a header past Coniah to give the hosts the lead. I kick a water bottle in frustration which Ortwin saves well in the dugout.
The first half continues without any incident from us, as we produce absolutely fuck all without the driving force of Billy in midfield. Celtic should be twoup going into the break but Wood’s header rattles the bar as time is running out and it’s 1–0 at the break as I lay into my players for their complete lack of energy. Dmitri comes on to play alongside Enzo as Ante C gets hooked.
It’s immediately better as Simone roams forwards and crosses for Guus, and his towering header just clears the bar with Siegrist beaten. Enzo then shoots wide before a Bilal cross finds Dmitri, who shoots…Saved by Siegrist into the path of Enzo…SAVED AGAIN! We’re knocking on the door and with 15 minutes to go, Tino Anjorin comes on for Arlind as we engage the Kitchen Sink protocol.
Osame goes on a mazy run and has a shot which Siegrist scrambles across to and see wide with 5 minutes left. Guus then picks up the ball from a throw and drives down the right, hanging up a cross for Enzo….WIDE…FUCK. Celtic break and a cutback to Kyogo beats Coniah…but hits the post! we take the ball straight up the other end as Kenny shifts it to Guus, to Tino, to Osame, who shoots…..CLIPS THE BAR…and the whistle blows.
I’m not too annoyed when we debrief. Siegrist going full Tim Howard in the second half wasn’t ideal and I probably set up to conservatively given we’d dicked them 3–0 in our previous fixture. Alas, we move on with a 4 point lead atop the table and bigger fish to fry. We’ve also significantly strengthened in the face of the rest of the league seemingly going backwards. Happy days.
Now that we have moved out of silly season it’s imperative that we focus on the task at hand. Our next game sees us welcome Aberdeen to Rugby Park under the new management of “Too ignorant to be aware of World War II” Wayne Hennessey. Mikkel rejoins us in training for the first time in months after Christmas in Denmark and it’s great to see him back in and about, as he’s the closest thing we have to Billy when Billy isn’t there.
Ante is also fit again, which leaves me in a major dilemma. Simone has been extraordinary since taking his place, and I decide to gamble by giving Kenny a rest and going with Simone and Ante in the engine room. Billy comes back in too and Justin gets a debut in the centre of our back 3. As we wander out in our anti-racism tops to warm-up, Wayne appears and looks annoyed at the state of the away dugout — where someone has plastered every single inch of the seats with ‘Show Racism the Red Card’ stickers. This could be fun…
Billy, Justin, Osane and Kik Pierie all have shots on goal in the first three minutes as Wayne frantically dives about his Somme-like penalty box saving them all. He then saves from Simone and a cross from Billy is met by Enzo to head home on 15 minutes, but chalked off for Enzo bulldozing into Wayne in doing so. I’m not even angry as I hi-five Enzo as he runs past.
Aberdeen eventually cross the halfway line and Ramirez shoots at Coniah, but Guus goes straight down the other end and shoots wide. Bilal is about the only player without a shot at this stage, but when a crossfield through-ball from Osame reaches his path on 23 minutes, he takes a touch and lashes it home for a 1–0 lead.
Simone hits the post and Wayne Hennessey continues his Gandalf impression as we cannot breach his fucking goal again. A free-kick from Benning gives us a minor scare but on 45 minutes, Bilal gets away down the right, draws the centre back and cuts back for Guus, who doesnt break stride as he drives it home past Wayne for a 2–0 lead at half-time — with only Enzo and Williams not having a (legal) shot on goal.
The second half starts slightly more quietly, but Guus has another good chance saved. Oberlin and Goralski come on and link up, with Oberlin’s fierce drive tipped away by Herr Hennessey, but Osame picks up the loose ball and loops it first time back over the keeper and into the net. Dimitri has a chance to make it 4 but his acrobatic effort is deflected just over the bar. 3–0 at the final whistle.
I neglect to shake Wayne’s hand at full-time as I claim to be unaware of what hands are and allergic to the Welsh. Besides I need to get to my office and check out a highlights package before our next game. It’s a tough 90 minutes to watch as Inter dominate Sassuolo for a 3–1 win. And the Milanese are incoming to Rugby Park on Tuesday night for a Champions League extravaganza.
I’m disappointed on Sunday night to learn that Jack Ross has been given the boot by Hibs. Whilst I joked endlessly at his expense, he wasn’t my most hated foe. Boring yes, but not offensively annoying. James Chester has also joined Arbroath as manager after the appointment of Andy Myres went a long way south. I check in on Ross County and I’m delighted to see that Malky has gone…to be replaced by Lee Clark.
Tuesday evening the streets of Kilmarnock are blue and white and the police cordon off the roads round the ground to allow the club coaches into the ground. Blue flares are unleashed as the fans bounce in the streets as the coaches drive past them. Inter gaffer Ruben Amorim is a little perplexed as he sees the response, and looks a little spooked as we greet each other. He might have the likes of Denzel Dumfries, Lautaro Martinez, Ciro Immobile and Duvan Zapata, but we have Billy Gilmour. Who we don’t have is Coniah, who is suspended, so Ortwin comes in and Ajeti returns in the place of the ineligible Justin. Here we fucking go.
Its a quiet opening on the pitch as the fans do the Shloshnan for the first ten minutes. We win a free-kick which is deflected towards goal, but as Bilal rushes to meet it its cleared by Bastoni. A further set-piece is taken by Guus and laid off to Billy, but again Bastoni rushes out and blocks it. Inter aren’t really in the game but a breakaway sees the towering Zapata lay the ball back to Barella, who curls and effort past Ortwin…but off the far post.
They come more into the game and Zapata has a couple of headers at goal, one of which drifts wide but the other has to be saved by Ortwin who does well. A penalty shout for them is denied after Ante wins the ball from Denzel Dumfries in the box, and right on halftime a free-kick from Barella curls into the box and evades everyone, skipping past the far post. 0–0.
Kenny comes on for Ante at half-time as the snow starts in earnest and UEFA officials frantically grab out the orange ball from the depths of the stands. Filip Kostic loves this move and his mazy run down the left leads to a cross hanging into the box…where Zapata meets it with a header that beats Ortwin all ends up. 1–0 Inter in the 47th minute.
I push Billy up the pitch, but Inter continue to push for more. Bastoni heads over from a corner and Zapata has two more chances which he cant convert. We eventually string a couple of passes together and Guus gets a yard of space at the D, but his curling effort goes a couple of yards over. I hook the knackered Osame and get Gerry Cushion to come on. He immediately has an effort but its well saved by Brazao in the Inter goal.
They are absolutely doing a number on Billy and I tell Guus to come deep and push Billy up behind Enzo in pursuit of anything from this game. He gets the ball from a flick on and beats Skriniar as he gets to the edge of the area and snaps a shot in….TIPPED WIDE! We earn a couple of corners but Skriniar seems on a one man mission to deal with them all. A late free-kick is worked round by the midfield and give Gerson some space again…but his ambitious effort skews well over and the game drifts to full-time. 1–0 Inter.
I’m afraid that somewhere in Ayrshire, a large lady is taking a deep intake of breath before the key change of “My Heart will go on”.
