Apr 17Renfield & why the Marvelisation of Cinema is a good thingStarring — Nicolas Cage, Nicolas Hoult, Awkwafina Director — Chris McKay In Cinemas Now I haven’t written a thing since I wrote about Gotti in November as it figuratively broke me. If you want to understand why, click here. That’s not to say that I haven’t watched anything. I’ve rewatched…Film6 min readFilm6 min read
Nov 17, 2022Rocks Reviews: GottiStarring: John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Stacey Keach Director: Kevin Connolly Streaming on: Prime “This life ends one of two ways. Dead or in Jail. I did both.” *sighs* If you ever encounter a film that has these lines of opening dialogue, I suggest you do the following. Turn off the…Film Reviews8 min readFilm Reviews8 min read
Nov 8, 2022Rocks Reviews: SPECTREStarring: Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, Lea Seydoux Director: Sam Mendes Streaming: Amazon Prime It’s that horrible time yet again. The time where I watch a film I probably won’t like very much and proceed to pick it apart with the subtlty of a butcher’s cleaver made out of C4. Well…Film7 min readFilm7 min read
Oct 25, 2022Rocks Reviews: License to KillStarring: Timothy Dalton, Robert Davi Director: John Glen Streaming on: Amazon Prime Ahhh the Bond films. A sacred cow unlike any other. Make a Bond film and even if you make it about a mental news mogul secretly manipulating satellites to start World War III so he can sell some…Film7 min readFilm7 min read
Oct 2, 2022Rocks Reviews: Desert Heat (Inferno)Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Danny Trejo Director: John G Avildson Streaming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUlcLjBb_Wg&t=3080s What do you get if you cross some Native American mysticism with an ex-Army veteran who is soaked in so much booze he could become a Christmas cake for Amazonian cannibals and put him in a film version…Film8 min readFilm8 min read
Sep 22, 2022Rocks Reviews: The Unbearable Weight of Massive TalentStarring: Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal Director: Tom Gormican Streaming: It’s not. Buy it you morons. Everyone has a favourite actor. It’s not much of a secret to say that mine is unequivocally Nicolas Cage. Every film that I watch him in, I find him an utterly magnetic presence, whether watching…Movies10 min readMovies10 min read
Sep 20, 2022Rocks Reviews: Ouija SharkStarring: Director: Brett Kelly Streaming on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xeln-xbzw7o Who can forget the day that they first watched Withnail & I. Withnail and the titled character musing upon life as that Hammerhead Shark serves them tea. Or the Shawshank Redemption when Tom Hanks crawls through a river of shit underneath his carefully…Film Reviews5 min readFilm Reviews5 min read
Sep 13, 2022Rocks Wrap Sheet: Double-TeamStarring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mickey Rourke, Dennis Rodman Director: Tsui Hark Streaming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oetmnrHMlgY When I started writing these stupid things, it was a way of getting all of the ludicrous thoughts out of my head. For fuck’s sake I suggested that Amazon commission a Jimmy Glass inspired comic book film…Movie Review28 min readMovie Review28 min read
Sep 11, 2022Rocks Reviews 5: Dead Man RunningStarring: Tamer Hussain, Danny Dyer, Curtis Jackson Director: Alex De Rakoff Streaming: Amazon Prime What do you get if you cross Danny Dyer, 50 Cent, Rio Ferdinand and Omid Djalili? No, not a platinum rap album collaboration or an experimental rave dance act miming ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ on Comic…Film5 min readFilm5 min read
Sep 9, 2022Rocks Deep Dives: The PatriotStarring: Steven Seagal, Gailard Sartain, LQ Jones, Silas Weir Mitchell Director: Dean Semler Streaming on: Amazon Prime (With Adverts) Runtime: 90 mins After the debacle that was ‘General Commander’ — I wanted to flush my eyes out with bleach. A film so horribly made that Neil Breen would hae cut…Film Reviews10 min readFilm Reviews10 min read
