Nov 17, 2022Rocks Reviews: GottiStarring: John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Stacey Keach Director: Kevin Connolly Streaming on: Prime “This life ends one of two ways. Dead or in Jail. I did both.” *sighs* If you ever encounter a film that has these lines of opening dialogue, I suggest you do the following. Turn off the…Film Reviews8 min readFilm Reviews8 min read
Nov 8, 2022Rocks Reviews: SPECTREStarring: Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, Lea Seydoux Director: Sam Mendes Streaming: Amazon Prime It’s that horrible time yet again. The time where I watch a film I probably won’t like very much and proceed to pick it apart with the subtlty of a butcher’s cleaver made out of C4. Well…Film7 min readFilm7 min read
Oct 25, 2022Rocks Reviews: License to KillStarring: Timothy Dalton, Robert Davi Director: John Glen Streaming on: Amazon Prime Ahhh the Bond films. A sacred cow unlike any other. Make a Bond film and even if you make it about a mental news mogul secretly manipulating satellites to start World War III so he can sell some…Film7 min readFilm7 min read
Oct 2, 2022Rocks Reviews: Desert Heat (Inferno)Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Danny Trejo Director: John G Avildson Streaming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUlcLjBb_Wg&t=3080s What do you get if you cross some Native American mysticism with an ex-Army veteran who is soaked in so much booze he could become a Christmas cake for Amazonian cannibals and put him in a film version…Film8 min readFilm8 min read
Sep 22, 2022Rocks Reviews: The Unbearable Weight of Massive TalentStarring: Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal Director: Tom Gormican Streaming: It’s not. Buy it you morons. Everyone has a favourite actor. It’s not much of a secret to say that mine is unequivocally Nicolas Cage. Every film that I watch him in, I find him an utterly magnetic presence, whether watching…Movies10 min readMovies10 min read
Sep 20, 2022Rocks Reviews: Ouija SharkStarring: Director: Brett Kelly Streaming on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xeln-xbzw7o Who can forget the day that they first watched Withnail & I. Withnail and the titled character musing upon life as that Hammerhead Shark serves them tea. Or the Shawshank Redemption when Tom Hanks crawls through a river of shit underneath his carefully…Film Reviews5 min readFilm Reviews5 min read
Sep 13, 2022Rocks Wrap Sheet: Double-TeamStarring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mickey Rourke, Dennis Rodman Director: Tsui Hark Streaming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oetmnrHMlgY When I started writing these stupid things, it was a way of getting all of the ludicrous thoughts out of my head. For fuck’s sake I suggested that Amazon commission a Jimmy Glass inspired comic book film…Movie Review28 min readMovie Review28 min read
Sep 11, 2022Rocks Reviews 5: Dead Man RunningStarring: Tamer Hussain, Danny Dyer, Curtis Jackson Director: Alex De Rakoff Streaming: Amazon Prime What do you get if you cross Danny Dyer, 50 Cent, Rio Ferdinand and Omid Djalili? No, not a platinum rap album collaboration or an experimental rave dance act miming ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ on Comic…Film5 min readFilm5 min read
Sep 9, 2022Rocks Deep Dives: The PatriotStarring: Steven Seagal, Gailard Sartain, LQ Jones, Silas Weir Mitchell Director: Dean Semler Streaming on: Amazon Prime (With Adverts) Runtime: 90 mins After the debacle that was ‘General Commander’ — I wanted to flush my eyes out with bleach. A film so horribly made that Neil Breen would hae cut…Film Reviews10 min readFilm Reviews10 min read
Sep 9, 2022Rocks Reviews: General CommanderStarring: Steven Seagal and other idiots. Directed: Ross W Clarkson & Phillipe Martinez Streaming: Amazon Prime (Via Freevee) Run Time: 85 Minutes. Steven Seagal. Actor, musician, martial arts ‘expert’, lawman, sexual harassment enthusiast. What is there to say that hasn’t already been said? Its difficult to put into words how…Cinema8 min readCinema8 min read
